THE WOMAN IN THE IRON CAST 2

DECEMBER 

Hello journal, today I have a lot to tell you. 

 I really have so much to say.

I started a new diet a month ago. 

It is called Dr Slim diet. 

Pretty obvious, huh. 

That's my life now. 

A life that consists of vegetables, fruits, powder and eggs coming together for the sole purpose of purging my soul of its heaviness.

Whew... The depth...

Seriously, the concotion that has become my daily bread has the significant taste of acid. 

The acid makes me smile bitterly whenever my tongue tastes it's horror.

Maybe the reason I have become addicted to it is because it's puke color and sour taste reminds me of my reality.

The reality I live is to please all who think my mould is offensive.

They say that the shape of my silhouette makes shadows endless. 

They say that my cheeks look like heavy burdens that have not been cast down.

They say that my feet could out stomp an elephant's tirade.

They say that 'perfect' is a place I will never see, like Moses, I will imagine if the milk and honey flow in tandem but I will never see their blend.

They speak and speak with speech sharp like daggers and bullets.

Why do I even bother????

I heard, not from them, that I was made from thoughts as beautiful as sunrise,

Carved from hands that coloured the Rainbow,

Formed from the image that blinks twinkles into stars.

It sounds too good to be true.

Gotta go now.

THE BIGGER KID

His hands looked like an endless hammer

I know because my body knows how accurate they are.

I know.

Now I know my speech is an unnecessary tone

My laughter, a distant memory

My voice... a reality I can no more define.

School is the environment.

Junior is my predicament.

Surprise was my instant recognition.

Pain became an affirmative welcome.

I don't know who to tell

That my back breaks a little when he staggers into the classroom

His eyes find me in the hole in my mind

His smile promises me of horror

His presence darkens the day

His menace weakens my fight

Who do I tell

That I lied in my report

The black eye the nurse treated has come to stay

He knows now that my vision was all I had left

Who will tell my parents

That school has become prison

Learning is a reality I do not comprehend

Joy..... 

Joy... 

Joy is a word I know only how to spell.

Help me!!

To all that have been victims of bully. 

To those who still are.

Jesus knows.

He will swoop down for you.

Breathe.

 I do not understand why it is so difficult to breathe.

I've tried again and again, but it's like I'm stuck in the tunnel of my airways, dancing to a tone of inability..
The oxygen that comes in squeaks as it squeezes its enormous illusion through little windows, my only view into the world.

I consider myself a rhythm within a broken record, the repetition of the combination of spoiled harmony and vague melody.

You may wonder why.

I believe its because I've restrained my sight from seeing, and my speech from speaking. I listen but don't hear, because I refused to embrace liberty when it was once offered to me.

I know what to do, I have only to call for liberty, His name only has to be a scream in my heart or a whisper on my lips.

He will come to me. I know He will.

HE WILL COME AND SAVE ME.

Then, only then will I know breath.